(In reference to the song “Bartender”, by Rehab)
A man travels east, arrives at a trailer park at 6am, spends a few moments observing his shit in the yard and forcing open the entry door, then leaves heading west at 35 miles per hour in a piece of shit Nova:
1) How far did he travel so that he had time to crash the piece of shit Nova and walk to a bar that is still open and serving when he arrives?
2) What time of year and latitude must the bar be located so that it is still dark when he arrives but sunrise occurs within the space of time it takes the man to consume an alcoholic beverage?
3) Where is he in the world, if a bar is still serving after 6am when he arrives?
4) If a man’s shit is thrown out into the yard in a trailer park and nobody is there to observe it, is his girlfriend still high on some pills?
5) Are there actually an unusual percentage of bartenders named Moe, or is this simply the Observer-Expectancy effect of observation bias?
6) At what temperature does everything you love burn as you watch, when it is incinerated using kerosene as an accelerant?
7) Which is more likely, that the man hired a taxi, was driven by a friend, or simply walked to his home to arrive by 6am, since presumably he did not drive or he would have not needed to jack the keys to his girlfriend’s fucking car?
8) If he walked, where would he have to be in the world such that sunrise is after 6am and yet the climate is suitable to walking while intoxicated?